Pedognome is Watching...

Whilst taking some screenshots for my latest Geeks of Doom Feature about the voice of World of Warcraft's new Hero Class Death Knight, I discovered something... very... odd.

Observe:


Closer:

World of Politicraft's New Expansion

A while back you may recall a post about a fundamental change to the way I view government in this country. It happened when the U.S. Department of Intelligence wised the hell up and realized the huge hotbed of criminal activity that calls itself World of Warcraft. Well, after that day everything just became much clearer mostly because I sort of can't tell the difference between the two worlds.

Game reality and the governmental double standard are essentially all jumbled up. Recently it's been really hard to distinguish between them.

I'll try to explain...

With online role playing games, once you hit the top level for your character, interest typically trails off. And true to form I got bored and needed a break from World of Politicraft. It's like, I watched the primaries and after all that excitement, after all the glory...it was just pretty much...meh. This feeling will likely continue until November when a new expansion is released. It's called Wrath of the McCain Campaign and its totally awesome!

See, it's about how this king-demon-old-dude casts darkness across the land because he doesn't know how to use the Internet. Eventually he goes on to create a race of undead patriots who eat lots of hotdogs because nothing else is available. (I'm SO FRIGGIN` PUMPPED!)

Check out this screen shot from the beta tester: (click for larger image)

Yeah, sort of lack luster but don't judge before I explain what's going on. First of all you'll notice that no one else is around in this shot. That's no big deal, I've been assured that other people still exist in WoP. That's good because I have way too much invested into this Country to just up and start a new one where I know nothing at all.

Next you'll notice that McCain doesn't really have a huge chunk of change in his bag. Again not to worry. He's got that covered on two fronts: His smokin` hot mistress is a level 80 CEO-Plastic Warlock and totally hooks him up with gold whenever he needs to go play the slots or feast on human flesh (not hotdogs though). Also, since other people in the game won't have the luxury of a plastic sugar momma, someone from McCain's guild was nice enough to put together a few lists where you can buy more money for next to nothing.

China FTW!
Yeah, I KNOW. Like I thought they were making it up too, but then I checked and it turns out Asians spend their entire lives farming for "cheaper" money so I can buy it for $9.99. The fundamentals of our economy are strong indeed!

Proof:

But then I started getting nervous. I mean, this game is going to be F@&*%#@ AWESOME so naturally it'll attract plenty of new comers that will no doubt annoy the shit out of me. Nothing is more annoying than having to rez in the middle of a raid against the Undead-former middle class Americans. You might consider banning the game entirely, too, unless they make the gameplay insanely difficult for new people so the can't get ahead at all unless they devote, like, their entire lives to working at it. You don't even have to tell them what you're doing. Just use half-truths and refuse to discuss anything when it looks like you might lose. Also, you could really sell the point if you hired on a nooblet to appear in public with you:

- TechGOnzo

Coming Soon: US spies increase queue waiting time

I'm sure many people heard the news that the CIA recently decided Second Life had become a liability and a possible hotbed for terrorists. As ridiculous as this may seem I shrugged it off because Second Life has no real point to it. I mostly think of the whole thing as a refreshingly ineffectual way for legitimate businesses to reach their consumers---not terror cell.

Jokingly, I thought to myself, the next virtual realm they'll invade must be World of Warcraft. Its already a hotbed of tension with its barely understandable abbreviations and violent red text. But, How you would go about distinguishing actual terrorists from 40-something pimply fat guys with too much time on their hands... well that's what made everything so ridiculous.

Then I read this story, which basically says U.S. spies will invade WoW to protect us...

So from now on this is how I choose to view our government:

Yes that's right. Our President---peeved and bored after all his friends were bad and sent home to think about their actions.---has decided to bridge the gap between establishment and citizens. Now, not even distance will keep our president from his good friends Rummy, Alberto, Scooter, Tom Delay, MC Rove...and the rest of the crew. (Of course they would play horde side since the Alliance are all N00blet sissies.)

But what will the new GOPwnage Guild do during down time when the terrorists refuse to log into PvP because they have shitty gear and no time to play?

Well I've come up with a pretty good idea of how they will fill their time....Picture below:
-TechGOnzo